Inter-Species Wrestling Press Release:
For Immediate Release:
Mike Rotch
Inter-Species Wrestling
http://www.beyondthebarn.org
LOVE HURTS – THE SPECS
First off, the crowd numbers. Inter Species Wrestling refuses to sugarcoat, and are absolutely thrilled to announce that Love Hurts drew a crowd of 95 paid fans – who were hot like fi-yaaaa for most of the night. Thanks to them for showing up, and showing support for indy wrestling, the likes of which they’d never seen before.
The event, as always, was filmed by Fortune Video Editing for a soon-to-be released DVD. You can, of course, pick that up at www.fortunevideoediting.com, as well as www.smartmarkvideo.com – roughly a week or two after it’s release at Fortune.
And for those of you who like to know this kinda thing – commentary was done by Mike Rotch, Kevin Steen, Giant Tiger, Shayne Hawke, Twiggy, Llakor, and a very special guest – Franky The Mobster.
LOVE HURTS – THE RESULTS
Show started off with Beef Wellington interrupting the opening announcements. He stated that he would in no way, shape, or form compete in a match in which he had a chance of losing, and being subjected to some messy man-love from Giant Tiger. Newly announced (actually, we never announced it formally…) commissioner, and Inter Species Wrestling official ring announcer Llakor then informed Beef that not only would he be wrestling the match – but he would be forced to wear embarassing ring gear (chosen by Llakor), and come out to whatever music he chose for him, as well. Beef still refused, which forced the commish to get tough – informing him that if he didn’t compete – he wouldn’t get the $20 payday he’d been promised. An absolutely irated Beef then gave in.
Match 1 – MVP vs. ?? – Originally scheduled to take on Kenny The Bastard – Michael Von Payton came out from the backstage area, and informed us all that Kenny didn’t make it tonight. He then challenged any other animal backstage to a match. A challenge that was answered by El Hijo Del Bamboo! The panda proved to be better, stronger, and faster than his deceased father was – but came up short in the end, as MVP hit him with an insane fireman’s carry into a lungblower for the win.
Post match, some masked men entered the ring to no music, alongside a referee.
Match 2 – The Badd Boys defeated any poor soul dragged, or willing to get, into the ring to face them. Pre-massacre, the Badd Boys introduced the man who made them what they are, their father – Dadd Badd. Brad and Chad defeated their designated masked opponents with their patented Badd Move – as their father press slammed anyone in sight (including the ring crew members) out of the ring, onto the unforgiving stage.
Match 3 – In the obligatory “wrestling” match of the evening – Max Boyer defeated Kid Kamikaze with a bridging wheelbarrow suplex. This was Kid Kamikaze’s 4th invitational challenge, and only his first singles loss in ISW. This match was short, sweet, and heavy on the wrestling. Filled the quota, in preparation for…
Match 4 – “A F*CKED UP MATCH” – Beef Wellington made his way to the ring, wearing tight bicycle shorts, tassles, and a flowered shirt. His theme music involved the sounds of someone dropping a deuce. All chosen by Commissioner Llakor. The lights then dimmed, and “The End” by The Doors boomed over the speakers – as an incredibly drunk Giant Tiger (who was announced as the “Beef Father F*cker Champion”, and had a championship belt) made his way around ringside in pissed stained jeans, with a bottle of Beefeater gin in his hand. He proceeded to take large swigs of the alcoholic beverage, and kiss a male fan on the mouth. When he finally entered the ring, he kicked off his flip flops, and took off his jeans to reveal tights fashioned from duct tape. The match was anything you could expect from these two, and more – as Beef fought not only for the freedom of his father – but for his $20 payoff. In the end, it was Giant Tiger who nailed his patented hands-free pedigree – taking the match and custody of Beef for 73 hours. Tiger then applied some lipstick to his own face, while ordering Beef to remove his own shirt – slowly – before finally forcing Beef into a full on, messy, lip-on-lip kiss that lasted several moments.
Words cannot do this match justice. It received a loud “match of the year” chant, and must be seen to be believed.
Llakor’s attempt at announcing a 15 minute intermission was interrupted by The Fresh Prince of Bel Oeil – who stated that the only thing wrong with this show thus far, was that he didn’t have a match. Llakor rectified this situation, by bringing out a gladiator. Yes. Llakor’s first action as commissioner of Inter Species Wrestling was apparently to find a real life gladiator – Maximus Primal. The Fresh Prince’s funky dance moves couldn’t save him, as when Llakor gave the thumbs down – the gladiator completely destroyed the young rap music superstar. After a huge powerbomb, he tossed Prince to the outside – ala Uncle Phil on Jazz – before heading backstage, so people could take piss breaks.
Match 5 – “Inter Species Scramble IV” – The Walking Dead defeated The McGoths to win the scramble, in an elimination contest that also contained The Untouchables(formerly Thundercock), and When Animals Attack. An action packed match, that left fans of all ages entertained.
Match 6 – “I’M IN LOVE!” – Sexxxy Eddy defeated Steve, after a low blow – in a match that saw Eddy discover what I already did a few months back. I told you all, I don’t book girls.
((( NWS PHOTO LINK !!! http://img186.imageshack.us/img186/9471/steve1qz8.jpg )))
Match 7 – “Teacher vs. Student” – El Generico defeated Twiggy via brainbuster, in what was referred to by many as the match of the night. Fans were exposed to a more fired up, and intense Twiggy – after minutes of El Generico, the man who taught him everything he knows, countering all of his offense. One crucial point in the match saw Twiggy hit a version of Generico’s corner yakuza kick, rocking and shocking his mentor at the same time. Another encounter that needs to be seen, as words cannot do it for you.
Match 8 – MAIN EVENT – INTER SPECIES TITLE MATCH – Kevin Steen made his way out first, and grabbed the mic – informing all in attendance that Inter Species Champion – Viking – didn’t show up to Foufounes Electriques to defend his title on that night. It was then announced that he was stripped of the title, and that the winner of the following 3-way encounter would be crowned champion. Zombified and Player Uno then made their way to the ring, with their respective goals in mind. Zombified wanting the title. Uno wanting revenge on Steen. The much bigger “Mr. Wrestling” dominated the walking corpse and gaming geek for the majority of the match, only to be blindsided in the end by a Player Uno top rope M.Bison head stomp, as Steen package piledrove Zombified. With Steen reeling from the head stomp, Uno then hit a pumphandle piledriver on Zombified – destroying the brain, and the ghoul – for the 1-2-3 and the title win.
Post match/end of the show saw a shocked and disappointed Kevin Steen extend his hand to the new champion – only to blow a snot rocket in his face, before Uno could accept. The bad blood between these two seems to have only gotten…badder.
DVD will be released soon. Just buy the frickin’ thing, already! 
-Mike Rotch
Owner – Inter Species Wrestling
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