Inter Species Wrestling Press Release:
For Immediate Release:
Mike Rotch
Inter Species Wrestling
http://www.interspecieswrestling.com
WHAM! BAM! RESULTS
-Show opened up with Llakor announcing that he was going to fire the weakest member of the Inter Species Wrestling roster. Himself. He stated that with the chaos that’d taken place over the past few shows – he needed to dedicate himself to full time commissioner duties. He then chose his replacement at random. A fan in the crowd, who turned out to be C*4 announcer Tony Barnes.
-The match between Stinky the Homeless Guy and Flip was thrown out, when the referee lost control of the contest. Saying he “lost control” is kinda assuming he had it in the first place, as the match started with Flip attacking Stinky while he was making his entrance, and was just a straight fist fight on the floor – before both men made it into the ring, and the bell sounded around 3 minutes in. Match ends when Flip crushes Stinky’s skull with a chairshot – for the second show in a row. Match thrown out.
-The most anticipated tag team encounter in Inter Species Wrestling history took place next, as The Badd Boys took on their debuting opponents 2.0. The most professional tag-team in Canada couldn’t gain any sort of offense in the match – and were disposed of rather quickly.
-Beef Wellington seemingly had a plan in place for his match against Twiggy – in which he was aware of the fact that the Twigster’s little lady is Italian – and that he had eaten a big Easter Sunday lunch at her folks’ place earlier in the day. The significance of this, for you folks who don’t know, is that Italian women LOVE to feed you – which left everyone’s favourite underdog rather stuffed come Sunday night. Wellington exploited this by dishing out many variations of the gutbuster. Twig tried his hardest, but ultimately, the well thought out offense of Beef proved to be too much for the little guy, as he fell victim to a rope assisted roll up.
-In the first ever Alco-Brawl – a nude Sexxxy Eddy defeated an almost nude Giant Tiger with a second rope moonsault. The two men spent the better part of the evening drinking with fans in preparation for this match. Alot of this was filmed, and will be included on the DVD release. This match, however, words cannot do it justice. This is what Inter Species Wrestling is all about.
-Moohammad had a rough night, as he squared off against the hottest dude in Inter Species Wrestling – Steve. The Terrorist Cow had the upper hand for a good portion of the match, but was continuously distracted by his brother – Moostafa dancing at ringside – which allowed Steve to get the upper hand – and force the mad-bombing bovine to tap out to…sodomy. Yes. Anal penetration for the submission victory.
-Post match saw Moohammad tear his brother apart on the mic, stating that he was not a dancer, and was a disgrace to their family. Moostafa then grabbed the mic, and asked to prove himself to his brother. He called out the biggest, and baddest man backstage – as his way to show us all that his brother was wrong about him. This brought out Maximus Primal. The misunderstood cow mounted a flurry of offense, working over the legs of the big gladiator – but in the end, fell prey to Primal’s massive powerbomb.
-El Hijo Del Bamboo has found peace of mind, after finally defeating his nemesis Michael Von Payton. Von Payton took it to the panda early, but was pinned after a flurry of offense – involving a sliced bread #2, ace crusher, and top rope banzai drop. This was easily the young panda’s most impressive performance since joining the roster, as Von Payton is by no means a push over.
-Post match saw an unscheduled Izzie Deadyet hit the ring with Gore – they grabbed the mic from Tony, and claimed – once again – that Zombified was dead, and that alone – Izzie was unbeatable. With that said, a familiar song blared over the speakers – causing the crowd to stand in anticipation as former Inter Species Champion – Viking made his return after a 2 year absence. Viking took the mic, and in typical Viking fashion – spoke french that none of us could comprehend. He then, very uncharacteristically, spoke english – reminding Izzie that he had never beaten him. An impromptu match then got underway – and immediately spilled to the floor. Through the chairs. Pillar to post. Chaos and mayhem, all around. I can’t do this justice, either. A crazy brawl, that saw Viking dropped across the backs of 2 chairs – followed by Izzie coming off the top with a Thesz-press brain bite submission for the win.
-Tony Barnes then made the announcement that our next show would take place on July 11, 2009 – as Inter Species Wrestling has once again been invited to take part in the Montreal date of the Vans Warped Tour.
-Main event saw Player Uno finally achieve the victory that’d avoided him since 2004 – when he defeated Kevin Steen. Things were looking grim for our champion, as Steen worked over his legs for a majority of the match – locking him in his sharpshooter submission twice – with Uno making it to the ropes both times. Chairs we brought into the ring, and the fight continued, as both men beat the everloving excrement out of one another. In the end, the tables turned in a big way, as Uno was able to return the favor – locking Mr. Wrestling in his own sharpshooter for the submission victory, and milestone win. Player Uno’s title reign has now lasted 14 months – with 6 defenses – making him the most successful champion in the title’s fairly short history.
Tony closed the show. Yadda yadda yadda. Buy the DVD! 
WARPED TOUR 2009!
Folks – as you read above – our next show will take place on July 11, 2009 at Parc Jean Drapeau in Montreal, Quebec – as part of the 2009 installment of the Vans Warped Tour. The lineup is awesome, and we’re hoping to bring something cool to the tour – as we did in 2006.
And that’s all, folks!
-Mike Rotch
El Presidente – Inter Species Wrestling
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