Results are courtesy of Llakor, because we didn’t have time to write them ourself, and even if we did, they wouldn’t be this detailed and organized!
The Worst That Could Happen Results
Inter Species Wrestling packed up our gear, kit and caboodle and dragged it all South to Connecticut bringing everything including our fanatical terrorist cow Moohammad, only leaving behind Giant Tiger, that grumpy drunk prima donna. And we had a hell of a time, one of the best shows that I have ever been involved in. But then, I would say that wouldn’t I? (And full disclosure – I have.)
The fans who were there on the other hand? What did they have to say? (All comments from ChikaraFans.com)
Absolutely fantastic show. Everyone must buy this show for themselves, their father, mother, grandparents, and the neighborhood girl you have a crush on. – The Pagemaster
I really enjoyed the show. – HairRaiser
This is one of the best shows I’ve been to and can’t recommend buying the dvd enough. – Glothar
Super fun. – H3RC
Big ups to Rotch and company for probably one of the most fun wrestling shows I have ever been to. ISW is a mix of a party and a really good wrestling show… the show was amazing… The atmosphere and the wrestling made this an amazing show. - john
I really laughed at so many great moments during the show… Buy this show! – Future-Shock
I enjoyed it as much as DGUSA and I paid $60 less. – Nut Bunnies
I seriously had a blast at this show. Everything was fun. – George
THIS SHOW WAS FUCKING AWESOME~! - Tony
If you don’t believe me because I am a fucking SHILL~! (And you know that’s true.) Believe Tony – who is totally not my sock puppet.
*****
The Worst That Could Happen
Results Quick and Dirty
Impromptu Three-Way: Hydra beat Jolly Roger and Steve “The Turtle” Weiner making Jolly Roger tap to the Hydralock.
Badd Challenge Match: Badd Boys beat GinGerard (Shayne Hawke and Vin Gerard) pinning Shayne Hawke.
ISW Other Title: ISW Champion Moohammad the Terrorist Champion beat Stinky with help from Flip.
Bunkhouse Brawl: Twiggy beat Beef Wellington with a cow-bell.
Connecticut Co-Ed Confrontation: Addy Starr beat Sexxxy Eddy with a low blow and roll-up.
Brains Are Pink: Izzy Deadyet beat Pinkie Sanchez.
Triple Threat: El Generico beat Jigsaw and Zombified after Generico hit a Brainbuster on Zombified.
ISW Title Match: ISW Champion Player Uno beat Hallowicked after a Mega Buster.
*****
The Worst That Could Happen
Detailed Results
To be honest my expectations for The Worst That Could Happen hung lower than Giant Tiger’s beer gut. On one hand, the fact that Giant Tiger acted like a prissy prima donna and tried to hold up Inter Species Wrestling and Rotchy for everything that he could get and then at the last second decided not to go, well all of that meant that I got to drive up to Connecticut in GT’s place. The down-side was that this meant that I spent six hours as Sexxxy Eddy’s arm-rest while Eddy spent the entire trip bitching about not having his drinking buddy Giant Tiger with him and drinking enough for the two of them.
Then we got to the venue at 4PM, only to find a dark, low-ceiling barn surrounded by picnic tables, but with no ring or chairs. Technically the venue was a “pavillion” but pavillion is just a fancy name for barn. And you know I have lived the nightmare of an ISW show where the ring only showed up two hours after the original bell time. But in this case, the ring showed up shortly after my car did, the ring went up lickety-split, the organizer arranged for us to have great lighting, Matt Fortune and Mike Rotch combined to pull off some magic in the presentation and by 7:30PM we were rocking.
Of course, then I was standing backstage watching the pre-show preview (available to watch at Hybrid Entertainment TV) My instructions were to wait for the pre-show to finish, then the highlight reel would play and after that I would come out and start the show. Then the breakers blew and we lost power. We got the power back quickly, but we couldn’t get the highlight reel to play (you can see it here) or the entrance music to work. So, I had to improvise madly and entertain the crowd while we were getting things going. As you know, I am the Worst Ring Announcer in the Multiverse – Improv Comedy is not my strong suit. Fortunately, I had mingled with the crowd before the show and I knew that despite a fairly big crowd, there was as far as I could tell exactly one guy from East Hartford in the crowd. So I made fun of East Hartford until the music started working again.
(Not that hard to do by the way. For one thing, East Hartford has a store where you can buy Roast Beef and where they make sandwiches, but you can’t buy a Roast Beef sandwich. I even offered to buy the Roast Beef separately so that they could add it to the sandwich and they refused. It also has a pizza parlor that is a gated community, when neither their bank nor their church is protected by a gate. What kind of a town protects their pizza better than they protect their God or their money?)
And then right after I had finished introducing Hydra and Jolly Roger, something unexpected and completely wonderful happened. This car with a custom Rhode Island license plates that said “Turtle” drove up to the ring playing theme music and Steve “The Turtle” Weiner jumped out of the Turtle-Mobile, to announce that he was making his ISW debut and, “What better match to have the Turtle in than one that already has a Sea Monster and a Pirate?” Faced with this unassailable logic, I pretty much had to (ab)use my Commissioner powers and make the match an impromptu three-way.
Look, I am not going to say that Turtle saved the show, but he certainly started it heading in the right direction. That first match was everything a first match should be. Quick, funny and the crowd was involved. After Jolly Roger hurt his foot kicking Turtle in his shell, J-Ro encouraged Hydra to try his luck. When Hydra hurt his foot as well, the Party Pirate started mocking the Sea Monster pointing out that it said “Shell” on Turtle’s back. At which point someone in the crowd piped up and yelled, “Hey asshole! Leave Hydra alone! Sea monsters can’t read!” The crowd was animated from the moment that they saw and recognized Turtle, but from the moment that they started heckling, they became one of the best crowds that I have seen in a long time.
They were such a good crowd in fact that right after I announced that Hydra had won the Impromptu Three Way match by forcing Jolly Roger to tap to the Hydralock (while Turtle was caught helplessly on his back, unable to stand or roll over because of his shell) I fired myself as ring announcer in favour of local announcer Steve Maestro so that I could sit with the crowd, do drive-by heckles on commentary and eat sweet, sweet corn from the barn’s bbq counter.
The team of GinGerard gave the Badd Boys one of the stiffest challenges that the Badd Boys have ever faced… on the mike. But once the talking was over, well you know how it is, talk like the best, die like the rest. Shayne Hawke ate the pin after Vin Gerard saw which way the wind was blowing and jumped ship. After the match, Vin grabbed the mike and to quote ISW fan Nut Bunnies, “Vin was priceless, first as a pussy from Julliard, and then trying to say he’s always… VIN BAD… and then is immediately turned on for being a faggot.” After Vin got thrown to the outside Shayne ran back out and kissed Vin hard on the lips, causing Vin to stagger into the crowd to kiss the first girl that he saw to get the taste of Hawke out of his mouth.
I am very upset about the result of the match between Moohammad and Stinky. Once again, Stinky was in control only to be attacked by his former best friend and tag team partner Flip, who filled Stinky’s hat with Lego and then gave him a sick block-assisted pile-driver to give Moohammad the win and successful title defence. I recognize that Flip was brainwashed by Moohammad into being his human pet, but I firmly believe that the only way that Flip has any hope of getting better is if we hold him responsible for his actions. I have made a proposal to the rest of the ISW management team how this could be done during the ISW Fourth Anniversary 4 Years of This?! on August 23rd at Foufounes Electriques in Montreal. Expect an announcement soon.
Twiggy wore cowboy boots for his Bunkhouse Brawl. Beef did not. The wrestling gods took notice and favoured Twiggy. Every time that Beef tried to use underhanded tactics to get an advantage it turned against him, whether it was getting potatoed with a running shot from Twiggy’s cowboy boot (that Beef pulled off Twiggy’s foot in the first place) or bringing a cow-bell to the ring to clobber Twiggy with and eating it for the pin instead. (I was the third guy on commentary to say that Twiggy had been Saved by the Bell.)
After our intermission, Addy Starr fought a spirited battle against a roaring drunk Sexxxy Eddy who was less interested in winning the match than he was in being a grappling sexual octopus. This lackadaisacal attitude ended up costing Eddy the match, but the real (hidden) star of this match was Steve the Turtle Weiner whose did a run-in on commentary that will be worth the price of the DVD by itself.
One of the best parts of the show for me was hearing Izzy Deadyet announced from the Dark Woods and then having him emerge from the Dark Woods that surrounded the pavillion barn. This seriously freaked Pinky out and he was in full flight for most of the early part of the match. Once Izzy caught Pinky, he dragged Pinky to the back to eat him… at which point the music for Michael Jackson’s Thriller started and Pinky started kicking Izzy’s ass with dance-fu. Eventually Izzy decided that it was better to join the choreography than fight it, until Pinky turned his back and Izzy jumped him, forced pills down Pinky’s throat to give him a massive overdose, killed him and ate his brains.
After the match, Pinky did a Zombie Sit-Up, shrieked and ran into the woods.
Highlights of the match can be seen here.
While Zombiefied may be considered the more heroic of ISW’s two zombies, he is still a monster. Fortunately for Jigsaw and El Generico, traditional Lucha Libre training includes extensive instruction on fighting the undead thanks to the influence of El Santo. Despite Zombiefied’s strength and speed, the two luchadores were able to overcome him. Jigsaw and El Generico’s mutual hatred of the undead conflicted with their rivalry and lead to a bit of a confusing finish. After El Generico hit his Brainbuster, it appeared that Jigsaw was rushing to save Zombiefied, but in fact he was rushing to help El Generico pin him. After the show, Jigsaw explained to me backstage, “When the undead lose, everyone wins.”
The main event was a fitting end to the evening. Knowing that he would be facing one of the toughest opponents of his career, Player Uno started a massive training program right after our Vans Warped show. As a result, Hallowicked faced a Player Uno in perhaps the best shape of his life. And while the terror luchadore had his moments in the match, Uno survived his attack and responded furiously in kind, finishing Hallowicked for good with the Mega Buster.
Inter Species Wrestling’s first visit to the United States was a huge success. We can’t wait to be invited back and we hope that everyone out there will pick up the DVD for The Worst That Could Happen as soon as it comes out.
